Welcome to my blog. I talk about working at a skateboard shop, life,
other endevours i may embark on and my interests.
i like to draw too.
one day my drawings will be good.
love everything it can leave whenever it wants
i listened to my friends talk the other day i couldnt find a moment to join the conversation
but i didn't like their conversation i didnt agree with their look on life
i like to be my own person so i wanted to write about my personal goals for life
the best way to succeed is to set goals
i hate it when people tell me their goal
my goal is this area in my mind and i go there when im sad
i have this room and its got brick walls and a nice kitchen
and i have all the nice cookware that ive always wanted
and the windows open up on a city at dawn
it smells like breakfast
i have a lumpy L shaped couch and a tv on a stand
i can wake up and watch tv if i want to
every day i can wake up happy with my life
ill have a job i love in the city
i like to be around people, that was one thing my friends talked about
my friends like to talk to people i guess but to me they dont
they dont know how to talk to people or over analyze people
i think ive gotten down to the root of why i didnt like their conversation
they overanalyze a lot of things
i guess i never really do that but i dont like it i dont like it at all
in my apartment i have a coffee maker and fresh coffee in the morning and a bagel with my coffee
there are no crumbs on the ground i know to clean up after my messes
i can go to my job
today i thought about a career, my dream is audio engineering
i know now, id love to every day wake up and be excited to go to the studio and work with bands
i want to make music equipment too for people to use
i want to make music too
steve albini
their conversation just went too in depth about their personal lifes on aspects that shouldnt be as deep as they talked about
i guess its good to analyze your character and aspects of it but if going deep is the purpose of a conversation
then lets talk about what we are sad about, what we hate our deepest thoughts
am i too much of a character maybe
i couldve talked all day about the situations and scenarios i create in my head but thats not what they want to hear about
today slept till 1 woof
had this dream that was exciting, my parents had this friend that passed away but he seemed very real
his trick was he would swim in his cousins koi pond
he used to hold his breath for so long it scared everyone
in the koi pond there was a bubbler and he would shoot the air jet at people
i wouldve liked to meet him 
things i thought about today:
rax
backyard ponds
paw paw fruit
movie: working on ideas
i tried to record lots of music today, ditched the laptop, i just want my 4 track.
maybe ill rock, maybe ill roll.
3d animation seems awesome, just hard to start.
id like to make a video game on a website that you can just log into and be connected to other players
it will be very simple to run
but i want to be able to see other people on a screen
i think thatd be funny
12/30/20
memories are hard to make and hold.
you dont know when youre making memories.
i couldnt tell you what i had for lunch two days ago.
that sucks 
remembering and memories are two different worlds
im worried i wont have enough memories made.
its 4 am im tiredddddddddd
*okay google, how do i make memories*
thinking about making a movie, something animated maybe like a short film.
id like to follow a kids day, waking up, going to school, but he skips the bus and ventures around his town.
during his day he visits local shops.
we dont realize that everyone is alive and id like to convey that with my movie.
in the mind of a child, we are left to wonder what the person parked next to us is going to do when they get home.
on the kids adventure he sees someone get fired from their job, someone drawing with chalk on the sidewalk, and then someone doing grafiti
the contrast between permanant and temporary should be explored, because i think everyone has the ability to impact the world, its just that the message may not always be noticed.
for the child, he will always remember this day and the chalk he saw, but one day the chalk will be gone.
he will also remember the graffiti, but so will many other people, its just the impact has different interpretations.
history is the same deal.
maybe the year 1882 really sucked, like in everyones opinions it sucked BAD.
but all we have is 2020 in our faces and we deem it as one of the worst years ever.
incorperating music is important to me.
maybe it will all be like demos and stuff to show how the child isnt as developed.
i dont know i probably wont get around to doing it.
12/28/20
what is the stigma about how you should act in places of niche interest? who do they think i am?
im not judging you for coming into a skate shop. you dont have to act all high and mighty around me i just want people to be not dumb you know. ma'am, if your son wants something dont fucking yell at him about it, let alone in front of other customers.
second hand embarresment destroyed me today. how could you be this slow or rude or terrible. please just be nice to me im going to help you out you dont have to be all moody and act tough.
i wish this woman wouldve just shut the fuck up like holy shit lady you are making a complete ass of yourself. 
to the people that like to whisper to eachother while i grip your skateboard, i can hear what youre saying.
you are being a dumbass trying to impress me, i honestly dont care about you and your skateboard friends. working in retail really makes you question your own persona, am i a nice person??? like am i treating these cashiers the same way as my customers treat me?
sorry to all the cashiers out there that ive been slow with, i understand if you wanted to drive your fist through my skull, completely understandable.
i havent really made any friends working here, am i losing friends.
i dont have too many friends, i just have people that like me.
thats ok, i like that better.
Filled walls ruined forest.
Trees fall we ignore it.
11th birthday, does he deserve it?
No ma'am your kid is a little shit.
micky mouse